When lynching moves online

 I sat watching, with a weird mixture of cringe, horror and disgust, as a pack of dogs attacked every stray cat that they could get their paws on. I glanced upon one last post -- it was a screenshot of someone's Whatsapp chat. It didn't look particularly interesting, but it had about a 1000 comments under it; some of which were hashtags seeking justice, while others were just a string of abuses. I closed Instagram and Twitter, shut off my phone and sat down to ponder what our society had become, and how we as human beings watch in amazement at the idea of someone else's despair. I was done. 

2020 has been a weird year. We have had a long string of untimely deaths, natural disasters, manmade ones and are perched on the brink of WW3. When the news of Sushant Singh Rajput's death by suicide rolled in on 14th June 2020, many, including me were shocked beyond reason. Nobody could believe that a spunky actor like him, in his prime could just end his life. People began discussing that he was probably struggling in his private life and that it got the best of him. The topic of mental health came to the forefront and pundits on TV began discussing the same. In a day or two, the bullying and nepotism angle started getting more airtime. 

I am not exactly sure when the whole suicide or murder theory came about, but ever since that began, people have just lost it. Leading actors & actresses started getting trolled everyday. They were being told that they were never nice to Sushant and that he died because of them. Even a famous director/producer wasn't spared, and is still not. Accusations were flying from every angle. The latest victim of this mob is Sushant's girlfriend and housemate Rhea Chakraborty. She has been arrested, not for murder, but for consumption of weed and it is being reported that she sourced it for him.  

A few years ago when the rapper Mac Miller died of accidental drug overdose, everyone pounced on his ex girlfriend Ariana Grande's socials accusing her of driving him to drugs & eventual death. On the other side of the globe when actress Rekha's husband died of suicide, people did the same thing. There was no social media around at the time (thankfully!) but everyone, including the media made her out to be this vamp who used and discarded him. Even Sushant's longtime ex-girlfriend and ex-fiance Ankita Lokhande was accused initially until everyone saw her attend his funeral. Women have forever carried the blame for mens' failures. On the flip side, women have always been expected to lift up a broken man. How many times have you heard of a family getting their son married off to a 'simple' girl just to correct his meandering ways. Nobody knows if Sushant started smoking weed or doing drugs before he met Rhea. But the so-called justice warriors have been brainwashed into believing that he is the epitome of correctness and he can do no wrong. 

Rhea has apparently admitted to using weed along with Sushant. But what the mob (yes thats what they are) is accusing her of is driving him to using those drugs and eventual death either at his own hands or actually murdering him. Whats their proof you ask? --- the thousands of Instagam/twitter/youtube accounts that spout theories after theories everyday. When the bullying and nepotism angle didn't work, it moved onto drug abuse. Now the mob is trying to throw mud on EVERYONE in the industry and hoping some of it will stick. The so called justice warriors are just keyboard warriors who take pleasure in going to a celebrity's profile and abusing them all day. Names are thrown around randomly with no confirmation or evidence. A leading actress who is known for her spitfire talk has made this all about herself and is trying to even her perceived scores with Bollywood. To her, the only person that matters is herself. No one else. In this mess, everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame. 

We're in the age of fake/sensational news. Insane conspiracy theories being shared everywhere with no consequence whatsoever. Anyone with a smart phone can film themselves say the vilest of things and put it up on the internet for others to consume. An entire generation of people have made it their duty to open their phones everyday, watch curated content, and tweet/abuse/comment on every piece of "news" connected to this case. Over the last 3+ months, people have been brainwashed into believing that justice for someone that they did not really follow/support even a day prior to his death, is far more important than than having a moral compass or any sense of decency. Arm chair critics have turned into arm chair abusers. Insta pages that want to increase their following, post stories and lies like they are going out of style. Random names being mentioned, leaks by officials whose vested interests aren't exactly clear -- such actions lead the justice seeking mob to bombard celebrity accounts with name calling and abuses. Anyone who requests for calm and some sense of decency is termed a "druggie". 

Media channels are making the most of this lunacy. To them, all that matters is TRP. Journalists have stooped to a new low. The pack of dogs I mentioned earlier were so-called journalists camping outside Rhea's apartment building waiting for a resident to appear, only to hound him or her with questions and accusations about her life. Calling the cops on these vultures leads to more drama and sensational news about how evil this family is. I saw a video of one such blood thirsty journalist knocking on door or a family member of Rhea's and accusing them of god knows what, and when he was rightfully kicked out, he turned it into a freedom of the press argument. Since when is it ok to forcefully enter a stranger's home and interview/accuse them? And the online mob gleefully enjoys this drama, cheering the journalists on. Its sickening. This lockdown has brought out the worst in us.     

We will  never know what actually happened to poor Sushant. The waters have been muddied so much that any news or evidence that comes out will always be questionable. In the end, two families have been destroyed. The business of entertainment will never be the same again. 

A self-realization about parent-shaming

I was at get-together recently. The party hall was filled with adults/parents and kids of all ages -- from lap babies to kids as old as 10-12. I noticed this one kid who was probably about 7-8 years old playing with his dad's phone. All through the party he was playing games on the phone. The first thought that struck me was "Why are his parents letting this kid play with their phone?"
At our house, we have a no phone rule. My son does not touch either of our phones. We also try not to be on our phones when he is around.
I am ashamed to admit it, I parent-shamed them in my head. Even when he was eating dinner, he had a YouTube video on and would take a bite only if the video was on. I did not mention this to anyone and I even forgot about it.
A few days later, I heard from another mom that the kid I saw at the party has a serious medical condition which may turn fatal as early as his teens. Immediately I felt terrible for judging the family. I cant even begin to imagine what the parents' state of mind is on a day to day basis. When every day you spend with your child is a gift, you do what it takes to reduce the drama. Parents do whatever it takes to bring up their kids in the best way they think is right. Nobody should sit on their high horse and judge or shame anyone for the decisions they take as parents.
I am not just saying this because the kid has a serious medical condition. Even if one has a healthy kid, NO form of judging/shaming directed towards the family is warranted. People do what works for them and for their family's sanity.
You do you boo. After all, you have one life to live.

Types of moms

I've been a mom for just over  a year now and I have just begun to sort of understand the demographic. There are many types out there; I have highlighted a few.
Disclaimer: Mommy friends, no offense meant whatsoever ;) I'm sure I am one of these moms -- or maybe a combination of all of them ;)

Miss Know-It-All

This mom will tell you everything you are doing wrong. If she sees your kid or even a picture of your kid, she will tell you 10 things that you are doing wrong there. Any conversation about your child will turn into a full-on lecture session. So much so that sometimes you anticipate the lecture ;) "What works for one kid may not work for the other" -- you should get this temporarily tattooed on your forehead whenever you meet her; or if you meet her everyday, just get the real ink ;)

The Googler

The present generation of first time moms have shades of "The Googler" in them -- she ranges from looking up a bad rash once in a while to one that walks around with phone in one hand, and child in the other, frantically googling why her kid did not burp. No old wives tales for her -- she only trusts random strangers on the internet. Others can go to hell.

The Cool Cat

Even though she is a first time mom, she cool as a cucumber. She is very adventurous about trying out new things on her kid. While other moms would be paranoid about their kid eating store bought cookie, this mom will leave an open pack of Oreos on the counter and not even care that her kid has consumed 10 of them since he/she woke up. Of course, she loves and cares for her kid but she is cool cat when it comes to strangers feeding her kid stuff that she hasn't dissected.

The Dare-devil

This one is an extreme version of the cool cat mom. She may have been Joey's ( of F.R.I.E.N.D.S fame) mom in her TV life --- "Whoops! Joey fell down the stairs!" "Whoops! Joey electrocuted himself again!" She does not flinch handing over her newborn to visitors -- no hosing them down with sanitizer. No sterilized bottles for her. Germs help toughen babies up!

The Paranoid Peach

This mom starts worrying at the drop of a hat. She is an extreme version of the googler mom. A sneeze or two from the kid will make her sweat. A simple leg or arm movement will get her wondering if his/her motor skills are ok. She is a walking-talking worry wart. And she is ready to voice her concern to anyone who would listen. Visiting her newborn is a task and a half. First there's the washing of the hands; then there's the sanitizer bath; next, a zillion instructions on how to hold the child. You may be Mother Teresa reincarnate! But no, the instructions will still follow.


Sleepless nights and tired feet aside, being a mother is a gift and a blessing. Taking a long hard look at ourselves and picking out the different idiosyncrasies makes it fun and less stressful. 

"How I Met Your Mother" Themed Baby Shower

What do you do when you have to plan a baby shower and are fresh out of ideas? The same old summer/spring themes are boring.
The theme we decided on was the TV show "How I Met Your Mother". Now, I know this is not really a baby shower friendly (read family-friendly) theme, but we went ahead with it.
I do not remember who came up with this idea -- I think one of the hard-core fans suggested it and then it just went from there. And boy was everyone excited! This was probably more fun for the party planners than the parents-to-be. Just between you and me, it probably was :P
What started as a Whatsapp chat group had now turned into a full-on theme party! Before you knew it, hardcore fans of the show started coming up with interesting ways to make HIMYM kid friendly (if that was ever possible!). But eventually we did! :)

As per usual, a prep party was planned. Let me begin by saying that I am not one of those hardcore fans of HIMYM. I have probably watched a handful of episodes and quite liked them all. But as I went along with the party planning, I learned a lot!

Now, fans of the show know what slutty pumpkin refers to. Since this had to be kid-friendly, we decided to make a simple pumpkin-like diaper cake. For those who don't know what a diaper cake is, its not actually a cake you can eat, but (usually) a 2-3 tier cake-like structure that's made from diapers that the mommy can eventually use for her baby. The diaper "cake" we made was a diaper pumpkin.

We also made a few other items that we used as party decor.

An obvious word-play on the intervention sign

A gift basket filled with duck themed baby towels, socks and bibs  

A Mac Laren pub sign

A blue french horn

The BRO Code book

The food was of course bar/pub food -- paired with interesting names :)

These yummy drinks were served with cute yellow umbrellas ;)

This was such a fun party; we cant wait for the next one!!  ;)

A giant step in the wrong direction

After reading about the SC verdict,  I am more saddened than shocked. In a country like ours where Democracy has taken a beating repeatedly, its not so shocking that such judgement has been meted out.
Section 377 of the IPC, which was introduced during the Bristish rule in India, criminalizes sexual activities "against the order of nature", including homosexual acts. The section was declared unconstitutional with respect to sex between consenting adults by the High Court in 2009. That judgement was overturned by the Supreme Court. After taking one step forward, we're taking a zillion steps back!
I understand that one cannot expect fast progress in this regard in our country, but why should you go back on your promises and let people down? Whats more upsetting is the peoples' reaction. The following are some of the common arguments/excuses I see being used.

1. India is not USA
    First of all, we must stop comparing India to other countries. USA has its share of homo-phobics. Although gay relationships are legal, unions/marriages are legal only in a few states. It will be long before its made legal all over. But that's besides the point. We must do whats good for our country and our people. We have sizable LGBT community, and they deserve their rights. Well, even if the community size is so-called "miniscule" and has only 1 person, that 1 person deserves his or her rights.

2. We have bigger things to worry about in India
      Yes, there are big problems. We have unemployment, poverty, female foeticide; we have a whole host of issues to deal with. All those issues are not going to get resolved by ignoring this issue. AIDS affects heterosexuals as much as it does homosexuals. Its awareness that people need. Ignoring this will not miraculously resolve all the problems in our country.Every individual has the right to be with the one they love. That's basic human rights. Its not rocket science.

3. Its against Indian culture
    This is by far the most ridiculous argument. Raping innocent young children is very much Indian culture, but being with the one you love isnt?? Oh I get it, letting juvenile offenders go scot-free is Indian culture! Looting tax payers money is Indian culture!
A friend of mine had shared a very interesting article about Queer Sexuality and Indian Culture. Read it here.

4. They're just a minuscule fraction
   If a particular community even has 1 person in it, will you call him/her a criminal for no fault of theirs? For example, if people of a certain faith are suddenly made outlaws in their own country, does it make it right? They are born into their faith. Similarly, this so-called minuscule fraction is born that way. They are not sick or ill. Science has proven that there is absolutely nothing unnatural about being transgender or gay. They are born that way and they must have the same rights as everyone. You cannot criminalize law-abiding citizens of a country.

5. Why are you supporting them? Are you gay?
    This is also one of those ridiculous arguments I hear everyday. Dont men fight for women's rights? Does that turn them into women? One doesn't have to be gay or transexual or bisexual to support the LGBT community.

6. They are ill. Cure them
    People like Baba Ramdev and the rest of his brigade enjoy their 15 mins of fame by spouting such words of wisdom. Trying to "cure" or make them "normal" will only lead to more failed relationships/marriages, frustration, disharmony, discrimination and increased suicides. Its not some illness that can be cured.

7. People support it because its "cool" to do so
    There is nothing cool or uncool about it. Its a human rights issue. Period.
I would support it as much as I would any other issue I believe in.

For now, the fight for equal rights will continue. Here's hoping its short one!

East-Coast chronicles

Its been more than a week since I slept in my own bed that last night I felt my bed say to me "Welcome back sweetheart" :) A week long conference took Vijay and I to Boston. Since we were traveling all the way to the east coast, we decided to wing it and visit New York city for the weekend.
Boston, the largest city in New England, is full of history. Founded in 1630, it was the location of some major events during the American Revolution, including the Boston Massacre and the Boston Tea Party.

 

 Although Boston boasts of a well connected Subway/Train system (they call it the T), walking around the city is a lot of fun. And boy did we walk! All our vacations seem to always include a walk-a-thon! We landed in Boston on the morning of 11th at 7.30, reached the Boston Sheraton hotel at 8.30. Since check-in wasn't until later that day at 3 PM, we had some time to kill. As people check out at around 12 PM, usually most hotels let you have the room at 12 or so even though check in is at 3. That's what we expected here as well. We were told by the receptionist that she would call if a room frees up early. Since Vijay had some last minute work to do on his poster, after a quick breakfast, we headed back to the hotel. There was yet another conference called Sleep 2012 happening at the Sheraton. Everyone around us seemed to be carrying a Sleep 2012 bag with them.

I was so zonked from lack of sleep that as we sat down in the lobby, I was out. So there I was with my mouth wide open in the lobby of the hotel sleeping like I hadnt slept in years. We saw a number of people checking out when we were sitting in the lobby, so the first thought that came to our mind was that atleast one room must be available. During my forty winks, Vijay asked them atleast 3 times if our room was ready. The reply was as you know, not very pleasant. The "Sleep" people would surely have found an interesting subject in me! We headed out again for lunch and a little bit of sightseeing. The viewing gallery on top of the Prudential Tower was a treat! One can see the whole of Boston from 50 floors above the ground. Finally after a lot of waiting, we got our room at 3.45 PM. After a quick shower, we headed out to see the First Church of the Christ Scientist, walked along the chic Newbury street (lined with boutiques and eateries) and had delicious crepes at a quaint little crepery.



Since Vijay was busy at his conference, I had to entertain myself. Vijay's uncle & aunt came to my rescue. They took me to the Museum of Fine Arts and showed me around the city. They also gave me their museum pass to attend a "Drawing at the Gallery" session; which was a lot of fun. A bunch of people gather to draw/sketch from life. It was different for me since I haven't really done a lot of sketching, but it was a learning experience nevertheless. One of the things we found amusing as well as quite enjoyable was the Duck tour. They are sort of like open top buses which show you around the city, except that its not a bus, its a duck :) The interesting part is that they travel on land as well as on water. So the first half hour or so we were driving along the roads of Boston, the second half of it was on water - on the Charles river! It was a lot of fun.

 

We spent the weekend in New York City. NYC has a vibe to it that no other city has. Its always bustling with wide variety of people. Its one of the few cities where one can travel safely by train/bus in the middle of the night. We did whatever sight-seeing we could in 2 days. All the walking aside, the places we saw were memorable. Times Square, The Empire State building, Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge, Wall Street, The Statue of Liberty - I've seen these only in the movies. It was so exciting to  see them up close.

 

In all, I enjoyed my trip to the east coast. I made new friends and saw a lot of interesting sights. I also realized that NYC is infectious. Makes me wanna leave the confines of sweet old Mountain View for the Big Apple :)

Kahaani